||[Oct. 4th, 2006|12:51 am]
Those who embrace eating disorders
Hey. I have got to start updating more often. I'm still stuck in my rut, but I am getting out of it. People keep telling me I’ve lost weight, but I know that I haven’t. I think me and the scales would be the first to know. |
I hate and love winter. I hate and love that I wear baggy clothes and layers. I hate and love that it hides how I look. Well, I love that it hides how I look but I hate how I makes me look. I'm shivering so badly I can hardly write this. Its driving me crazy, I’ve already knocked over the candle that I burn to hide the smell of fags in my bedroom three times tonight, and I cant go to bed cos a) I have to do a fuckload of biology, and b) its not too late and I would never wake up if I did. But no one needed to know that.
I'm really kinda scared – I have to go and eat dinner with my best friend in the eating disorders hospital she’s in on Thursday night, and I haven’t eaten a meal for three days and foods starting to creep me out more than usual. The last thing I want to do is make eating weirder for her, but I am not sure how I will hold up. I hate the hypocrisy I have to practice to try and help her get better, and at the same time letting me get worse.
Hope you are all doing great. I really have to go now before I get kicked off my biology course.
Love you all